What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Well for starters, there isn’t just one.
Marriage is a complex relationship that grows and changes over time.
One thing is true, however…the success of your married life is intertwined with the success of your sex life.
Couples that are more loving, romantic, vulnerable, and intimate with one another report higher levels of marriage satisfaction than couples who aren’t. And sex is the thread that ties those feelings and experiences together.
Here’s where marriage problems can start; after several years in a relationship, passion becomes elusive and many couples find that sex takes a backseat to jobs, kids, and life in general.
This can be the point where a happy marriage starts to feel stale.
Yet we do nothing to fan that sexy spark back into a flame. Which can be a huge mistake!
Just ask Esther Perel, psychotherapist and couples’ sex expert who’s best known for her viral TED Talk on infidelity.
“People have this myth of spontaneous sex,” Perel says noting that if you think you’ll naturally get back to the passion of your early days you’re setting yourself up for failure. “You must cultivate the erotics, give meaning to sex.”
Perel recommends you treat your marriage and your sex life as something that “demands focus and attention.” It needs to be a priority. “Once you take ownership, then you begin to create valuable connection.”
So how do you rekindle the sexual chemistry with your spouse and get back on the path to a sexy, happy marriage?
Try shaking things up a little bit!
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. This applies to your sex life too.
Our marriage advice for bringing back passion? Get playful again! Be flirty, seduce, touch, kiss, and get a little naughty.
Good sex is one of the foundations of a good marriage. Here’s 10 sexy secrets, from mild to wild, you can use to spice things up and put you back on the path to a happy married life.
10 Sexy Tips For A Happy Marriage
1. Communicate More
Great sex is all about connection and intimacy. Just speaking to your partner more frequently in general, can make you feel closer to one another.
This, in turn, can make you feel more intimate and less inhibited in the bedroom.
Even couples who’ve been together many years in a long-term relationship might not know what their partner finds most exciting in bed.
Part of this can be because they’re not used to speaking openly with each other and as a result, they’re embarrassed or fearful of discussing their sexual needs.
This kind of shame and fear doesn’t lead to a happy marriage.
Building a base of regular, open communication makes these types of sexy conversations less intimidating.
You get used to being vulnerable with your partner, which allows you to have more open discussions about erotic desires.
2. Send Naughty Texts
Sexting is a provocative lead up that can get your partner all hot and bothered about the main event to come.
The great part about sexting is you can say whatever you want without fear of any weird, awkward silences. Just be adventurous and go for it!
Not sure what to write? Maybe start small, like sending a slightly revealing photo of a body part or by telling your man how hot he looked when he left that morning.
Then dial it up. This is your chance to get a little raunchy!
Think of all the things you want your partner to do to you and explain it, in detail. Use LOTS of adjectives.
How you want to be touched, or sexual fantasies you’ve had are an excellent place to start.
“I want” or “l love thinking about” are good openers, then you just fill in the blank.
“I want to feel your hands all over my naked body while I watch you in the mirror”, or “I love thinking about you tying me up and having your way with me.”
You get the idea. And don’t be afraid to get dirty or weird. Your man absolutely will not mind. Partners for life, right?
3. Dress (Or Undress) For Sex
Wearing racy lingerie underneath your work clothes or sweats can help you feel sexy and a little bit naughty.
This will put you in a romantic mood throughout the day and have you anticipating the moment you finally get to have sex.
It’s also a hot surprise for your partner when they undress you.
Or, if you’re home and your partner is out, get naked and greet him at the door totally in the buff.
Obviously this one only works when it’s just the two of you in the house, but we guarantee you’ll make his day.
4. Indulge In Some Steamy Quickies
In this busy world you don’t always have time for a drawn out seduction scene. But that doesn’t mean sex can’t be hot!
A passionate quickie just before you head out the door to work or during your lunch hour (bonus points if it’s in a naughty location) can leave you feeling like a total femme fatale.
It can also be just the spark you need to reignite the passion in your relationship and put you back on the happy marriage track.
Quickies can lead to bigger and better things in the bedroom!
Related: Sex After Childbirth – How To Get Back To Getting It On
5. Drag Out Foreplay
If quickies are a way to jumpstart your sex battery, then foreplay is the long slow burn that builds tension and makes your connection super HOT.
Our brains experience more pleasure when the anticipation of a reward goes on for some time before we receive it.
Be sure to set aside some time (block out the calendar, hire a sitter) for some really slow passionate love making.
But before you dive into the main event, start with a little dirty talk, maybe some light touch and massage, and kiss like you did back in high school.
Let the delicious tension build so you can connect on a deep, emotional level. This turns up the passion and, when you’re ready for it, can turn up the orgasm too.
6. Discover Their “Thing”
Men tend to be visual creatures. And many of them have a “thing” that really drives them wild.
Use those new and improved communication skills to find out your partner’s thing and use it to your sexy advantage.
Do they like seeing you in stockings and a garter belt?
Are they a sucker for sky high heels? Maybe they want you to leave them on in bed.
Do they love it when you wear a wig? A short plaid skirt? A corset?
Once you know your partner’s passion trigger, you can pull that signature trick out of your tool box whenever you want to heat things up.
7. Try New Positions
This might seem like an obvious tip, but you’d be surprised by the number of married people who get stuck in a rut by performing the same moves and positions over and over again.
There is more to sex than missionary and woman on top people!
Grab yourself a copy of the Kama Sutra or other sex guidebook for inspiration.
Flip through the illustrations together and maybe you each pick one you’d like to try…then go for it.
Reverse cowgirl? Scissors? The Aquarius? Whatever positions you pick, you’re bound to have fun trying.
And who knows? You may find something you both enjoy doing so much that you want to add it to your repertoire.
Related: Sex After Kids – Are You Lovers Or Roommates?
8. Make It A Game
To make sex less intimidating, turn it into a flirty game.
There are sexy adult card and dice games you can buy where you and your partner take turns choosing/rolling to see what you’ll do to your other half.
Or you can ask your partner to tell you three sexy scenarios he’d like to experience and you choose one to act out. Then he gets to choose one of yours.
Being playful is a fun reminder of the early days of your relationship. It can help get you back into that relaxed, flirtier mindset.
9. Play With Toys
And we mean the adult kind. Sex toys can definitely dial up the pleasure factor.
It doesn’t need to be a scary giant dildo or anal beads either, unless you’re into that… then we say go for it! Just please remember to use lube ladies.
But really, a simple finger vibrator is all you need. It’s a good starter toy that isn’t at all intimidating.
Finger vibes are great for both clitoral stimulation and a little ball sack/perineum love.
They make fabulous additions to your sex took kit and they can lead to fabulous orgasms. That’s what you call a happy marriage win-win.
10. Bring A Fantasy To Life
Ready to get really adventurous? Offer up an emotionally safe way to explore each other’s sexual fantasies.
Once you’ve built a solid base of communication and playful sexiness, you can begin to slowly reveal deeper aspects of your sexuality to each other.
Maybe start with a question like, “why don’t you tell me something you think would really surprise me that you wish you could try in bed?”
Or, “tell me one of your naughtiest fantasies and I’ll tell you one of mine”.
Phrase it in a way that’s non threatening, so your partner isn’t embarrassed and doesn’t edit out the more erotic parts. Then take some serious mental notes so you can figure out ways to work elements of the fantasy into your bedroom.
Maybe you incorporate a blindfold, light bondage or spanking. Or maybe a role-playing situation presents itself.
Are you a college student asking a professor for a better grade? Or maybe he’s the delivery guy and you seduce him at the door. Who knows?
You don’t need full costumes or anything. Half of fantasy is imagination.
The role play will surprise and turn your partner on, plus it’ll make him feel appreciated since you listened with an open mind.
And we’re pretty sure he’d be happy to reciprocate with a fantasy of yours. Another happy marriage win-win.
RELATED: Romance After Baby – Bringing Sexy Back
Revealing our sexual desires makes us vulnerable, but that’s what creates intimacy and closeness in a relationship.
Part of what makes a strong marriage is creating an open environment where both partners feel free to express themselves, and this includes expressing their sexuality.
Sparking moments of passion keeps things fresh and interesting, which is key to a long happy marriage.
Don’t be afraid to experiment! Try some or all of our 10 sexy secrets and see if they don’t put the heat back in your love life.
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