Romance after baby…is that even a thing?  It Is!  Or at least it can be, if you’re willing to try.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably past those first few weeks or months of intense stress, healing bodies, and just overall change a new baby brings.

You might be starting to come up for air and saying, now what? And realizing that all your energy has been going towards caring for your baby with little to none leftover for you or your marriage.

After kids, your sex life changes. It’s true. But that doesn’t mean romance after baby isn’t possible. Love is a choice! Raising children can even bring you closer together as a couple if you bring the right intention to it.

So what does it take to get that spark back?

Think of all the couples you know that have kids. Now think of all those couples that still seem like they’re crazy in love….the number drops pretty significantly, doesn’t it?

What do the crazy-in-love couples do differently to keep romance after baby alive? What’s their secret for keeping things fresh in their relationship? We asked! And noticed some commonalities we wanted to share.

Here’s the dirty dozen, our Top 12 Tips For Rekindling Romance After Baby.  Now in your best Justin Timberlake voice sing it with me, “I’m bringing sexy back, Hey!” That’s right girl – you are! Read on to learn more…


1. Get On The Same Parenting Page

Bet you didn’t think we’d start with this one, but it’s a biggie. In order to be intimate and romantic with your partner, you need to practice open and honest communication. How you communicate is evidenced in your parenting.

You and your spouse likely have different parenting styles, but it’s important to find a way to bridge that gap and be united as a team. Because if you’re not a team on the parenting front, you won’t be a team in the bedroom either.

Different parenting styles? How to get on the same page!


2. Spoil Your Spouse

Or in other words, don’t always put your kids first. In fact, one of the best things you can do for your kids is to put your spouse first. Strong marriages make strong families!

If your kids see you and your partner together it helps them feel safe and secure. It also demonstrates to them what real love looks like.

Husbands often feel like second best after baby arrives. On a conscious level they know it isn’t personal, but if they’re always lower on your priority list it can leave them feeling ignored or distant. This is not conducive to romance.

In order to make him feel more secure, send a little appreciation his way. Tell him what a great father he is. Talk about how well he handled something in front of your friends. It seems small, but it matters.

When you notice the little things he does it helps him feel special. Which, in turn, will make him want to spark it up a bit in the romance after baby department.


3. Look Forward To Something

Nothing kills romance faster than a calendar full of doctor’s appointments, work obligations, and kids’ activities. Figure out something the two of you ADULTS can do together and carve out some time for it.

Then put it in red on your calendar so you can both easily see it. The anticipation and excitement of the upcoming event will help keep you connected, even on bad parenting days.

It can be something as simple as a show you watch together every Friday night with a little vino after the kiddos are in bed, a Sunday morning croissant at the local bakery, or even a weekend getaway.

Just something you can calendar in to spend quality time enjoying each other’s company.

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4. Make Date Night A Priority

And we mean a proper date night. Where you actually leave the house, and have a family member or sitter watch the kids. We know this is hard to do, but it is so WORTH IT.

Dating is how you fell in love in the first place, so it makes sense that you need to keep dating to fan those flames and keep love burning. You need time to behave like husband and wife, rather than just mom and dad.

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The entire dynamic is different during a date night. You’ll find that the electricity you thought was lost is still there, just waiting for you to rediscover it again.


5. Don’t Talk About The Kids

Oh, and when you’re out on your proper date, let’s not spend it talking about Suzy’s potty training or Matt’s ear infection. In fact, try not to talk about the kids at all.

We know it’s hard. We know you’re out of practice. But this is your chance to RECONNECT as a couple, you’ve got plenty of time to talk kids later.

Also In Beenke: Are You And Your Partner Speaking The Same Love Language?

Talk about where you want to travel, what you’re excited about, share that naughty college story you haven’t told…. This is the kind of conversation that brings you back to romance after baby.

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6. Get Dolled Up

And speaking of date night, here’s a complaint we hear a lot from dads. (And they certainly wouldn’t dare say this to your face).

“She used to make such an effort” or, “She used to always look so sexy”. Now before you go getting all crazy on us, your husband still loves you in no makeup and your favorite college sweater.

But every once in a while, it’s good to get out the make-up, get your hair done, and put a little extra effort into your appearance so that when he walks through the door he thinks “WOW!”

Him seeing you all dolled up is going to remind him of the old days, and instantly put him in the mood. You want romance after baby? Yea, you got it.


7. Ditch The Sweats

The dolled up rule applies to your wardrobe as well. If you’ve been wearing sweats or yoga pants for so long it feels like you live in them, it’s time to change it up.  

Put on a date worthy outfit.  Even better, put on some actual lingerie under that outfit. Comfy PJs do not scream sexy. In fact the only message they convey is please, don’t touch me.

But if he sees a hint of lace or a dash of red, he’s going to be all in.


8. Love Your New Body

Some of us may be reluctant to get out the lingerie or date-worthy dresses because our post-baby body is not what we want it to be. Our advice? Get over it.

You’ve just given birth to a new human being. What your body has done is nothing short of amazing! Embrace your powerful new shape, even if it’s a size bigger than before.

Almost all the husbands we spoke to were in awe of their wives’ childbirth experience. And they love their wives curvy shape. We guarantee he’s not looking at that stretch mark, he’s noticing your lingerie-clad awesomeness.


9. Flirt

Nothing sparks romance quite like anticipation, and nothing brings out sexy anticipation quite like flirting. Sure you’re a mom and wife, but don’t ever stop being his girlfriend too. Flirt already!

The playful and fun part of your relationship is where all the romance lives. Tap into that and you’re sure to get the old spark back.

Leave little love notes for him to find, play footsies under that table, or bat a few eyelashes. And don’t forget about sexting! Text a couple of spicy little notes to your man throughout the day and he’ll come home, ready to play.


10. Kiss More

We bet that when you first got together with your husband you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. So what happened? It’s time to bring back the PDA!

Plant a deep romantic smooch on your man…go ahead, we’ll wait. He might be surprised at first, but we’ll bet it all comes flooding back, like riding a bike.

Also In Beenke: Sex After Kids: Are You Lovers or Roommates?

Kissing is a very intimate act. It’s the foundation of passion, and helps us feel cherished and desired by our spouse. Your homework assignment? Kissing! Lots and lots of kissing.

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11. Make Bedtime Special

You want things to happen in the bedroom? Then you need to create a bedtime routine that sets the stage for romance.

Get your kids to bed at a consistent time and enforce it. Then make the time between when they go to bed and you go to bed your grown-up transition period. Do something to help you move from “mom” mode into “wife” mode.

It could be a nice glass of wine and couch cuddling. Or taking a warm bath, and then sliding beneath the sheets together for some spooning. Whatever little ritual you need to go from being parents to lovers.


12. Make Love Already

Making love is one of the best (and most fun) ways to stay in love. And it’s more than just sex, intimacy is how we connect and keep our marriage fresh.

You may need to get a little creative about location and timing…. A quickie while grandma takes the kids to the park, okay! An afternoon at a hotel while Auntie Joan takes the kids to a movie, sure!

Communicate with your spouse and let him know you want to find time to make sex happen. This is teamwork at its finest.

Sex After Childbirth: How To Back To Getting It On


Don’t Give Up!

Our final piece of advice…don’t give up! Marriage isn’t a one time act where you say “I do” and that’s that. It’s about choosing to be together, again and again. And falling in love, again and again.

Romance after baby is totally possible. Love only starves when we stop feeding it, so never stop. A great marriage is worth the effort!


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