Raising a confident child is one of the most important jobs a parent will ever have.  

To thrive as adults, kids need to learn how to trust their own capabilities and know they can handle it if they don’t achieve a goal. Being able to both master a task and recover from failure is what makes a confident child.

What does a confident child look like?

Confident children aren’t afraid to try new things. They trust their own judgment, have high self-esteem and are good problem-solvers. In addition, confident kids are able to overcome obstacles to reach their goals.

A self-confident child looks in the mirror and likes what he or she sees. This feeling of self worth can be your child’s ticket to a future of social happiness and mental stability. Confidence and self-esteem are that important!

Here’s ten tips to help you raise a self-assured and confident child.

Because at the end of the day, we all want our kids to love the person they see in the mirror.

 

1. Model Self-Love and Confidence

You have to love yourself, and exhibit resilience and self-esteem in your own life if you want to raise a confident child.

“You cannot give your children what you do not have.” – Brene Brown, PhD, author of Daring Greatly

That quote is so true! To teach something you need to be able to demonstrate it. Self-confidence is no different.

Celebrate your successes with your kids! Talk about your goals and show how hard work and determination helps you reach them.

 

2. Stop Controlling, Start Coaching

What’s the difference? Coaches help kids develop skills, then they step aside and let kids play the game. Be a coach, not a player.

Your job as a parent is to support your child so they can flourish and develop. Doing things FOR them all the time will rob them of the opportunity to become competent. Doing things WITH your child teaches them and builds confidence.

This means to raise a confident child we have to manage our own anxiety and let go of our need to control.

 

3. Encourage With A Capital “E”

All human beings need encouragement. Encouraging your child not only keeps them feeling more positive and motivated, it also gives them an inner voice that will help them encourage themselves for the rest of their life.

Related: Build Confidence! 55 Positive Things To Say To Your Child

Give your child mantras to repeat when the going gets tough. “Practice makes progress!” or “If you don’t succeed, try, try again!” Phrases like this are designed to help manage frustration.

To be a confident child, you need an automatic internal comforting voice that steps in to encourage and motivate when you fail. Otherwise a harsh criticizing voice will tell you to quit.

Confident Child
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4. Talk Positively About Your Child

Whenever your child is within earshot, be sure you are talking positively about them to family and friends. Save the complaining and eye rolling for when your kid is not around.

Related: Overcoming Shyness In Children: How Parents Can Help

Talking negatively about children, especially to others, results in embarrassment and shame which can damage self-confidence.

 

5. Give Your Child Responsibility

Everyone wants to feel needed, including children. Kids want to help out and contribute to the family…so let them!

Assign age-appropriate chores to teach your kids the value of responsibility. It’ll also help your child develop self-confidence by showing them they can complete a job and do it well.

 

6. Use Descriptive Praise

Praise can be an extremely effective way to boost confidence, if done the right way. And trust us, kids know when you’re just going through the motions.

If you give a half-hearted “good job” or “nice work” while scrolling through your phone messages, your kids know darn well you’re not paying attention and they won’t feel supported or encouraged to continue whatever good behavior they were doing.

Related: Top 12 Ways To Improve Your Parenting Skills Today

But if you are specific, “I saw how it took you three tries to get that math problem right, but you solved it. Great work hanging in there!”

They’ll know you’re paying attention, and they’ll also understand which positive character trait (like perseverance) you’re complimenting. That’s how you raise a more confident child.

 

7. Don’t Minimize Feelings

You want your child to be able to experience difficult emotions, like frustration, sadness, anger, or overwhelm…and not let those feelings impact their self worth.

Dismissing a child’s feelings can make them think they are unimportant, which lowers self-esteem. You want your kids to be able to talk about and manage big emotions without it eroding their confidence.

Show interest when your child wants to talk about their feelings. Listen to what they have to say.

confident child
Getty Images

 

8. Create Attainable Goals

Children who feel a sense of accomplishment build self-esteem. Boost your child’s confidence by setting attainable goals.

It could be as simple as getting dressed by themselves in the morning, or to practice piano for 30 minutes a day. Then offer specific praise when they complete the task.

Your child will feel a sense of accomplishment which helps build their trust in their own abilities.

 

9. Don’t Rescue

It’s natural to want to prevent your child from getting hurt, making mistakes, being discouraged…but if you step in and try to make things right all the time then your child never gets to learn the valuable lessons of resilience and grit.

Encourage a growth mindset in your kids! Let them learn to handle challenges by figuring out ways to overcome obstacles themselves.

Show them that it’s okay to make mistakes and start over by letting them see you mess up and not give up as a result. This is how a confident child is born.

 

10. Encourage Problem Solving

Children often run straight to mom and dad when faced with a problem. But if you solve it for them, you’re depriving your child of a valuable learning opportunity.

“Kids are confident when they’re able to negotiate getting what they want.” – Myrna Shure, PhD, author of Raising A Thinking Child

Research shows that even young kids can learn to solve simple problems by themselves. Don’t give all the answers, encourage your kids to come up with a solution on their own.

Their first response may not be the best solution, but you can gently redirect by asking questions until they get to a better answer. In this way your children learn to think through problems on their own.

A child who learns to trust their own judgment will become a confident child.

 

 

 

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