Raising a confident child is one of the most important jobs a parent will ever have.
To thrive as adults, kids need to learn how to trust their own capabilities and know they can handle it if they don’t achieve a goal. Being able to both master a task and recover from failure is what makes a confident child.
What does a confident child look like?
Confident children aren’t afraid to try new things. They trust their own judgment, have high self-esteem and are good problem-solvers. In addition, confident kids are able to overcome obstacles to reach their goals.
A self-confident child looks in the mirror and likes what he or she sees.
This feeling of self worth can be your child’s ticket to a future of social happiness and mental stability. Confidence and self-esteem are that important!
Here’s ten tips to help you raise a self-assured and confident child.
Because at the end of the day, we all want our kids to love and believe in themselves.
10 Tips For Raising A Confident Child
1. Model Self-Love and Confidence
You have to love yourself, and exhibit resilience and self-esteem in your own life if you want to raise a confident child.
“You cannot give your children what you do not have.” – Brene Brown, PhD, author of Daring Greatly
That quote is so true! To teach something you need to be able to demonstrate it. Self-confidence is no different.
Celebrate your successes with your kids! Talk about your goals and show how them hard work and determination helped you reach them.
2. Stop Controlling, Start Coaching
What’s the difference? Coaches help kids develop skills, then they step aside and let kids actually play the game.
Be a coach, not a player.
Your job as a parent is to support your child so they can flourish and develop.
Doing things FOR them all the time will rob them of the opportunity to become competent. Doing things WITH your child teaches them and builds confidence.
This means to raise a confident child we have to manage our own anxiety and let go of our need for control.
3. Encourage With A Capital “E”
All human beings need encouragement. Encouraging your child not only helps them feel more positive and motivated, it also develops a positive inner voice that will encourage them for the rest of their life.
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Give your child mantras to repeat when the going gets tough.
“Practice makes progress!” or “If you don’t succeed, try, try again!” Phrases like this are designed to help manage frustration.
To be a confident child, you need an automatic internal comforting voice that steps in to encourage and motivate when you fail. Otherwise harsh criticizing self-talk might prompt you to quit.
“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” – Peggy O’Mara, author of Natural Family Living
4. Talk Positively About Your Child
Whenever your child is within earshot, be sure you are talking positively about them to family and friends.
Save the complaining and eye rolling for when your kids are not around.
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Talking negatively about children, especially to others, results in embarrassment and shame which can damage self-confidence.
5. Give Your Child Responsibility
Everyone wants to feel needed, including children. Kids want to help out and contribute to the family…so let them!
Assign age-appropriate chores to teach your kids the value of responsibility.
This also helps your child develop self-confidence by showing them they can complete a job and do it well.
6. Use Descriptive Praise
Praise can be an extremely effective way to boost confidence, if done the right way.
And trust us, kids know when you’re just going through the motions.
If you give a half-hearted “good job” or “nice work” while scrolling through your phone messages, your kids know darn well you’re not paying attention and they won’t feel supported or encouraged to continue whatever good behavior they were doing.
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But if you are specific, “I saw how it took you three tries to get that math problem right, but you solved it. Great work hanging in there!”
They’ll know you’re paying attention, and they’ll also understand which positive character trait (like perseverance) you’re complimenting.
That’s how you raise a more confident child.
7. Don’t Minimize Feelings
You want your child to be able to experience difficult emotions, like frustration, sadness, anger, or overwhelm…and not let those feelings impact their self worth.
Dismissing a child’s feelings can make them think they are unimportant, which lowers self-esteem.
You want your kids to be able to talk about and manage big emotions without it eroding their confidence.
Show interest when your child wants to talk about their feelings. Listen to what they have to say.
8. Create Attainable Goals
Children who feel a sense of accomplishment are building self esteem. Boost your child’s confidence by setting attainable goals.
It could be as simple as getting themselves dressed in the morning, or practicing piano for 30 minutes a day.
Then offer specific praise when they complete the task. These little mini-goals become confidence building activities for kids.
Your child will feel a sense of accomplishment, which helps them build trust in their abilities.
9. Don’t Rush To Rescue
It’s natural to want to prevent your child from getting hurt, making mistakes, being discouraged…but if you step in and try to make things right all the time your child never gets to learn the valuable lessons of resilience and grit.
Encourage a growth mindset in your kids! Let them learn to handle challenges by figuring out ways to overcome obstacles themselves.
Show them that it’s okay to make mistakes and start over by letting them see you mess up and not give up as a result. This is how a confident child is born.
10. Encourage Problem Solving
Children often run straight to mom and dad when faced with a problem. But if you solve it for them, you’re depriving your child of a valuable learning opportunity.
“Kids are confident when they’re able to negotiate getting what they want.” – Myrna Shure, PhD, author of Raising A Thinking Child
Research shows that even young kids can learn to solve simple problems by themselves.
Don’t give all the answers. Encourage your kids to come up with a solution on their own.
Their first response may not be the best solution, but you can gently redirect by asking questions until they get to a better answer.
This is how children learn to think through problems on their own.
A child who learns to trust their own judgment will become a confident child.
Now you’re armed with 10 great strategies for raising confident kids. Use these tips to improve self esteem and watch your child’s confidence soar!
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